We are often taught that being helpful and kind is a virtue. And it is. But there is a hidden danger in always trying to please everyone: people can eventually stop seeing your kindness as a choice and begin treating it as an obligation.
When your helpfulness becomes an expectation, your efforts may no longer be appreciated. People begin to take your good heart for granted.
This is the trap of people-pleasing.
A people-pleaser often seeks approval, while a principled person seeks to do what is right, just and beneficial to the wider community. There is a difference between being good to people and being controlled by their expectations.
As we enter October, this distinction is worth reflecting on because we have only about 90 days left before the year ends.
Every December 31, as we gather for crossover prayers, many of us make resolutions. We look back at what we failed to accomplish and promise ourselves that the coming year will be different.
But October presents a different opportunity.
The excitement of January has faded. The promises we made at the beginning of the year have been tested by reality. This is therefore the right time to stop, look back and honestly ask ourselves: Where am I compared with where I wanted to be in January?
Did you abandon the habits that were holding you back?
Did you overcome prayerlessness, oversleeping, excessive drinking, unnecessary visits and idle talk, purposeless travelling, adultery and fornication? Did you stop wasting energy fighting battles that add no value to your life?
October evaluation is not an exercise in condemning yourself. It is an opportunity for correction.
You still have time to change direction and finish the year strongly.
Go back to your January promises
The first step is to revisit the goals you set at the beginning of the year.
Did you write them down, or did they remain in your head?
There is power in writing down your goals because they become something you can revisit, measure and adjust. If you cannot remember what you promised yourself in January, October is the time to start again with greater clarity.
But do not focus only on what went wrong.
Look at what went right.
What did you accomplish? Did you start a business? Return to school? Save some money? Reduce your drinking? Improve your relationship with your family? Begin something you had postponed for years?
Small progress is still progress. It is evidence that change is possible.
Name what is holding you back
The next step requires brutal honesty.
Instead of simply saying, “I failed,” ask why you failed.
Perhaps you spent several hours every evening in bars. Perhaps you spent too much time visiting friends and engaging in idle conversations. Perhaps you allowed yourself to be drawn into unnecessary quarrels.
You cannot defeat an enemy you refuse to identify.
Once you know what is holding you back, you can begin to deal with it.
This is where October becomes important. You do not need another vague resolution. You need a practical daily decision.
Instead of saying, “I will become financially disciplined,” decide how much you will save every day or every week.
Instead of saying, “I will stop adultery,” remove yourself from the people, places and circumstances that repeatedly lead you into temptation.
Destiny is rarely transformed by annual wishes. It is changed through consistent daily decisions.
For leaders and adults, discipline matters
At 30, 40, 50 or 60 years of age and beyond, life does not necessarily require more resolutions. It requires discipline.
The truth is that a year does not suddenly fail in December. In many cases, it begins to fail much earlier.
What you tolerate in February can become your lifestyle by October.
The habit of oversleeping can become lost opportunities. Excessive drinking can damage judgment. Unnecessary visits can consume productive hours. Sexual immorality can destroy families, dignity and finances. Constantly fighting unnecessary battles can drain the energy needed for meaningful work.
These are not merely personal issues. For leaders, they affect families, workplaces and communities.
A person who cannot manage his or her time, emotions, desires and habits will struggle to lead others effectively.
That is why October evaluation should be treated as a leadership principle.
Governments, businesses and organisations conduct periodic reviews to determine what is working and what needs to change. Individuals should do the same.
Ask yourself: What have I achieved? What have I lost? What must I stop? What must I start? And what must I continue?
The answers may not always be comfortable, but honesty is the beginning of transformation.
You still have time
Ninety days may appear short, but it is enough time to make meaningful changes.
It is enough time to begin saving, start a business, repair a broken relationship, seek professional help for destructive habits, return to prayer, rebuild discipline or make a decision you have postponed for too long.
Do not wait until December 31 to discover that another year has passed without meaningful change.
Stand before the October mirror today.
The biblical case for self-evaluation
The idea of examining one’s life is not merely a modern motivational concept. It is deeply rooted in Scripture.
Lamentations 3:40 says: “Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.”
October provides an opportunity to examine our ways and return to the things that matter.
The Bible also calls upon us to make the best use of our time. Ephesians 5:15-16 urges believers to live wisely and make the most of every opportunity.
The lesson is simple: time is valuable because it cannot be recovered.
Scripture also warns against habits that destroy individuals and communities. Proverbs 6:9-11 cautions against excessive sleep and laziness, while Ephesians 5:18 warns against drunkenness. First Corinthians 6:18 instructs believers to flee sexual immorality.
The message is not merely to fight every temptation. Sometimes wisdom means removing yourself from the environment that repeatedly exposes you to temptation.
Habakkuk 2:2-3 further instructs us to write the vision and make it plain.
There is a lesson here for anyone reviewing the year: write down what you want to accomplish and make your objectives clear.
A goal that remains vague is difficult to measure.
A true crossover requires a changed life
The problem is not that the year is ending.
The deeper problem is that some people carry the same habits, weaknesses and destructive behaviours from one year into another and then call it a crossover.
But crossing over a date does not necessarily mean crossing over into a better life.
A true crossover happens when character changes.
When prayerlessness becomes prayerfulness.
When unfaithfulness becomes faithfulness.
When laziness becomes diligence.
When wastefulness becomes financial discipline.
When unnecessary conflict gives way to wisdom and restraint.
Psalm 90:12 says: “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
That is the wisdom October demands.
Do not merely count the days that have passed. Count the days that remain and ask what you can do with them.
Do not wait for a new year to become a new person.
Use the remaining days of this year to begin the transformation.
God is not looking for resolutions that are made once a year and forgotten a few weeks later. What matters is repentance, discipline and action today.
Stand before the October mirror.
Look at yourself honestly.
Correct what needs correcting.
Strengthen what is working.
And use the remaining days to finish the year better than you started it.
Your year is not over until it is over.
The Writer, Dr Gad Ahimbisibwe Rugaju, is the Deputy RDC for Kanungu District.
